Tag: football

A New Hope: My 2023 New York Giants Season Preview

New York Giants quarterback Daniel Jones calls an audible at the line of scrimmage.

All-Pro Reels, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Football season is back, and this time, I promise not to be emo. Yes, if you joined me last September, you might’ve noticed a certain nihilism regarding my New York Giants.

…Not this year, baby. This year, we’ve got the Coach of the Year!

All Hail Brian Daboll

After suffering six seasons of being coached by an underachiever, a clown, and a man wielding a Denny’s menu, the Giants finally hired a legitimate head coach in Brian Daboll. I wish I could say I’d been a fan of the decision.

I wasn’t. In fact, before last season began, I described Daboll’s hiring as a “dubious offseason move.”

I’ve never been happier to be wrong. Though there were many reasons for the Giants 9-7-1 record, Daboll was the most impactful. Unlike his predecessors, his game management was excellent, his game plans were even better, and he maximized a below average roster. Which brings me to my next point.

A Not-Below-Average Roster

Yes, it’s improving. General Manager Joe Schoen and his staff were singing “Hello Goodbye” this offseason to the following players:

Goodbyes

  • Nick Gates signed with the Washington Commanders, for some reason.
  • Jon Feliciano joined the San Francisco 49ers, which seems like a good decision.
  • Richie James went to the Kansas City Chiefs, where he will now drop passes from Patrick Mahomes.
  • Fabian Moreau departed for the Denver Broncos, though he might return to the Giants after spending a day or two around Russell Wilson.
  • Julian Love left us for the Seattle Seahawks, and that feels like a legit loss.

Hellos

  • Deonte Banks was drafted in the first round, which should address a glaring hole.
  • John Michael Schmitz was drafted in the second, a move ESPN described as “an excellent pick in terms of value and filling a need.”
  • Jalin Hyatt arrived in the third round, and the dude’s got wheels.
  • Parris Campbell, Jamison Crowder, and Cole Beasley all add depth at receiver.
  • Bobby Okereke comes from the Indianapolis Colts, and he’s improved every season.

The Helloest Hello Award goes to tight end Darren Waller, who came over in a trade from the Las Vegas Raiders. Waller’s a high-ceiling, low-floor guy; his ceiling is Willy Wonka’s Glass Elevator (1,196 yards and nine touchdowns in 2020), while his floor is the basement from Barbarian, since he gets injured so much. That metaphor didn’t really work, but whatever—it’s very on-brand for Waller to be questionable for tonight’s game.

On the brighter side, the Giants re-signed Saquon Barkley, Daniel Jones, and Dexter Lawrence, all of whom made huge strides last season.

So, after a year in which they weren’t all that talented, the Giants suddenly have a solid roster. The question is, will this translate to another successful campaign?

My Prognostication

It’s strange to write this, but I’m feeling good about this team. They’ve got more talent, a great coaching staff, and even a reliable quarterback.

If you told me last year that the Giants would sign Daniel Jones to four years and $160 mil, I might’ve vomited. But thanks to the tutelage of Master Daboll, Jones set career highs in passing and rushing yards, completion percentage, and games played, while setting career lows in turnovers. Plus, he did it all with a lousy offensive line and the league’s worst receiving core. With both those units improved, Danny Dimes should improve with them.

In fact, the only compelling argument I’ve heard to counter a successful Giants season is their schedule. FanDuel set their Over/Under at 7.5 wins, which is shockingly low (not to mention hurtful). Their schedule will be harder, yes—but Week 1 schedules are notoriously unreliable.

Take last year’s Giants themselves, for example. They performed far above preseason expectations, while teams like the Broncos and Packers performed far below.

Looking at the Giants schedule, I see similar possibilities. Are we sure Seattle and Geno Smith can run back their success from last year? Are the Jets really going to be as formidable as their fans believe? Will Dallas be overhyped as usual? Bookies undervalued the Giants all season long last year, and I think they’re doing it again now.

Then there’s the albatross of the Eagles. If preseason hype alone could win a title, the Giants greatest divisional foe would already be hoisting the Lombardi Trophy. Sorry to break it to you, Philly fans, but the season just started. (If you don’t know my feelings about such people, you can learn more in this essay.)

They’ve got talent, yes, but they’ve centralized most of that talent around old guys. Jason Kelce? 35. Lane Johnson? 33. Brandon Graham? 35. Fletcher Cox? 32. I mean, I’m 31, and last month I suffered a random swollen toe with no clear origin, and I’m not even a pro athlete (as far as you know). Once a pro football player hits their 30s, injuries and regression are more likely than sustained success.

Also, the Birds lost their coordinators on both sides of the ball, and they might suffer a Super Bowl hangover. Am I claiming the Giants will finish with a better record than the Eagles? No, I think that’s unlikely (and possibly irrational). All I’m saying is, results aren’t guaranteed. Let’s play the games before we decide them.

Good Luck, Giants

The New York Giants season begins tonight at 8:20pm EST on NBC. Cris Collinsworth will probably still be talking about Patrick Mahomes, but we’ll have to tune in to find out.


Kyle A. Massa is a comic fantasy author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife, their daughter, and three wild animals. His published works include four books and several short stories. When he’s not writing, he enjoys reading, running, and drinking coffee.

Ready for Misery: A 2022 New York Giants Season Preview

Giants Season Preview

All-Pro Reels, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Big Blue is back and bluer than ever. Another NFL season is upon us!

Yes, pity me, reader. I’m a New York Giants fan. Just like last year, I’m getting you set with a preview article. Here are all the reasons to be both hopeful and depressed (mostly depressed).

Last Season

…Was a dumpster fire. Whether it was the slew of injuries, the anemic offense, or the infamous back-to-back QB sneaks, nothing went right. The only good thing about the season was its conclusion, along with General Manager David Gettleman’s retirement and the firings of Head Coach Joe Judge and Offensive Coordinator Jason Garrett. I don’t enjoy rooting for people to lose their jobs, but in these cases, it felt warranted.

The Offseason

Gettleman, Judge, and Garrett weren’t the only departures. The Giants cleaned house in the front office; by my count, 20 positions were replaced or eliminated. The most notable new arrivals are Head Coach Brian Daboll and General Manager Joe Schoen, both coming from the Buffalo Bills and both doing their respective jobs for the first time.

Of the two, Daboll worries me most. Why? Since Tom Coughlin left in 2016, here are the Giants’ non-interim head coaches:

  • Ben McAdoo (the guy who looked like he was reading from a Denny’s menu)
  • Pat Shurmur (the guy with a lifetime coaching record of 19-26)
  • Joe Judge (the guy Sally Jenkins compared to a clown)

All three served as successful assistant coaches prior to their hirings. All three fizzled after two years in NYC. Seeing a pattern here?

Like his predecessors, Daboll was a hotshot coordinator with little or no previous head coaching experience. Sure, he’s likely better than the others. But after three failed attempts, why do we think the fourth will work? Why didn’t we instead hire a proven, competent NFL coach, like Brian Flores? Because that’s Giants football, baby.

And somehow, this isn’t even the team’s most dubious offseason move. That award goes to a trio of cuts: Veterans James Bradberry, Logan Ryan, and Blake Martinez, all trimmed to clear cap space.

Cap space for what, you ask? The piggy bank, I suppose, since the team’s best acquisitions were Matt Breida, Jon Feliciano, and Tyrod Taylor, all castoffs from the Buffalo Bills (because the Bills are trendy right now).

The Draft

At least this went well. With two picks in the top 10, the Giants selected Oregon defensive end Kayvon Thibodeaux and Alabama offensive tackle Evan Neal. Many analysts considered Thibodeaux the most talented player in the draft, but after launching his own cryptocurrency, NFL GMs questioned his focus, hence his fall to the Giants at pick five.

Umm. Okay? I don’t understand cryptocurrencies, either, but I wouldn’t call them a red flag. Whatever. The Giants got Thibodeaux, so that makes me happy.

Of course, in typical Giants fashion, he got injured in the preseason and will miss several weeks, barring any setbacks. Best invest in KayvonCoin now.

What to Expect This Season

The easy answer is mediocrity. Quarterback Daniel “Dimes” Jones has showed little improvement (if any) during his three years in the NFL. Also, after cutting Bradberry and Ryan and losing safety Jabrill Peppers in free agency, the Giants’ secondary looks about as formidable as a “please slow down” sign written in crayon.

And yet…

There is a case for success. First, they have one of the easiest schedules in football based on projected win totals. Second, their division is one of the worst; Washington spent draft capital to acquire Carson Wentz (rivals Daniel Jones for turnover creativity), Dallas is always overhyped (don’t deny it), and Philly is coached by this guy:

Third, the Giants have a contingency plan at quarterback: Tyrod Taylor. He’s not flashy, but he’s competent. Despite his cool nickname, Danny Dimes has played more like Danny Ha’Penny. I expect Tyrod to arrive around week four or five.

Get Ready for Football

When you’re a Giants fan, pessimism is never a bad look. But with New York’s season kicking off Sunday, September 11, there’s still time to hope. It might be miserable, but hey. At least it’s football.


Kyle A. Massa is a comic fantasy author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife, their daughter, and three wild animals. His published works include three books and several short stories. When he’s not writing, he enjoys reading, running, and drinking coffee.

A Season Preview from an Oft-Disappointed New York Giants Fan

New York Giants disappointment

Usually this blog is about writing, reading, and sometimes cats. Today, it’s about disappointment. Oh, and also football.

I’m a lifelong fan of the New York Giants. And by “lifelong,” I of course mean since my early high school days, when I discovered Madden for the Nintendo GameCube. It’s been over a decade and we’ve been through a lot: two Super Bowl victories, two identical quarterbacks, and two years of Ben McAdoo. And when I love something, I can’t help but write about it (even when it bums me out). 

So here’s my preview for the upcoming Giants season.

Last Season

On second thought, let’s not review last season. Too disappointing.

The Offseason

The Giants’ splashiest offseason move was signing wide receiver Kenny Golladay, whose biggest claim to fame was being overthrown by Matt Stafford every Thanksgiving. He’s a decent number two fantasy option, but can he become a number one real-life receiver? I’m skeptical.

If we’re asking Giants General Manager David Gettleman, the answer is yes. Of course, this is the same David Gettleman who traded Odell Beckham Jr., let Landon Collins walk in free agency, and selected Daniel Jones with the sixth pick in the 2019 draft (more on Daniel later). Forgive me if I’m dubious.

In fairness, Gettleman made some savvy decisions in the offseason. I liked the signings of Kyle Rudolph and John Ross, and I really liked the addition of Adoree’ Jackson to an already strong secondary. If only the draft had gone as well. Speaking of which…

The Draft

For once, the Giants were picking outside the top 10, but just barely; they had pick number 11. There were several impressive players available, but of course, Gettleman considered none of them. He had eyes only for DeVonta Smith.

You may wonder how I know this, and no, it’s not because Dave and I are friends on Snapchat. It’s because everyone knew. To quote Matt Lombardo of GMEN HQ:

“There is a feeling inside the NFL that Gettleman is enamored by Alabama wide receiver DeVonta Smith.”

This might’ve been acceptable if the Giants were playing solitaire. However, there were 10 other teams preceding them. And one of those teams was (cue the horror-movie scream) The Philadelphia Eagles.

Eagles fans, if you’re not familiar with them, are notoriously rowdy. This is putting it kindly. For example, after their Super Bowl victory over Thomas Brady and the New England Patriots in 2018, local officials slathered crisco (and later hydraulic fluid) on polls throughout Philadelphia. Why? To prevent Eagles fans from climbing them.

See? Rowdy.

So it came as no surprise when, with the 10th pick in the 2021 NFL Draft, the Eagles once again got rowdy and selected DeVonta Smith.

Look, the closest I’ve gotten to being an NFL General Manager is playing fantasy football with my friends. But even I know that if I want a player, I shouldn’t blather about it. Clearly, Mr. Gettleman has never had to risk losing his fantasy league. (Although maybe Giants owner John Mara has, and his punishment for losing was hiring David Gettleman.)

So, with the Giants on the clock and no DeVonta Smith on the board, Dave did the mature thing and quit. He traded the pick to the Chicago Bears, who incidentally drafted Ohio State quarterback Justin Fields, who’s incidentally probably better than Daniel Jones.

The G-Men drafted some other receiver at number 20, a guy named Kadarius Toney, a.k.a. Yung Joka, according to his Wikipedia page. Pundits have claimed he might be a sleeper in this draft, which is cool, but not exactly what I’m looking for in a first-round pick.

What To Expect This Season

It’s time. We need to talk about Daniel.

Daniel Jones, a.k.a. Danny Dimes, a.k.a. Eli Manning’s approximate clone, troubles me. His career began with a bang: Four touchdowns and a comeback win against the then-Brady-less Tampa Bay Buccaneers. It was the most fun I’ve had watching the Giants since their Super Bowl XLVI victory.

However, Jones fumbled twice in that game. This was easy to disregard in the moment, but as the mistakes mounted, a pattern emerged. In 21 career games, Jones has committed 36 turnovers.

Never one to be outdone in mediocrity, David Gettleman remedied this problem by building around Jones. Hence the aforementioned acquisitions on the offense.

But if we think of Daniel Jones as the turkey in our Thanksgiving dinner, we see the logical fallacy in such moves. Say we invest in perfect stuffing, delicious gravy, jiggly cranberry sauce, and Bob Evans mashed potatoes. Great, love the support. But the turkey is the centerpiece of Thanksgiving. If it’s, say, woefully undercooked and likely to give everyone salmonella, does the rest of the meal really matter?

Look, I’m not calling Daniel Jones an undercooked turkey. He seems like a good guy. But I fear he’s not good enough to save the Giants.

Therefore, I see the Giants hovering around .500 this year (not that you can actually finish at .500 anymore, what with the 17-game schedule). Fortunately, they once again find themselves in the worst division in the league, which means they might somehow make the playoffs at 9-8.

And hey, there’s room for optimism. Head Coach Joe Judge looked solid last year, leading the Giants to a near-upset of the eventual Super Bowl champion Buccaneers, plus a shocking win over the Seattle Seahawks. They also boast a staunch defense, which should be even better this year. And let’s not forget the return of running back Saquon Barkley, one of the most electrifying players I’ve ever seen.

So, will the Giants’ solid defense and improved offense carry them to victory? Or will David Gettleman drag them down into the pits of ineptitude? We’ll find out Sunday at 4:25 eastern against the Denver Broncos. Looking forward to the disappointment.


Kyle A. Massa is a speculative fiction author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife, their cats, and their dog. He has written two books and numerous short stories, both published and yet-to-be published. He enjoys unusual narrative structures, multiple POVs, and stories that make readers laugh.

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