Tag: humor (Page 3 of 3)

10 Stories, 10 Samples

Monsters at Dusk

Alternate title for this post: The Monsters at Dusk sampler platter.

Why? Because, with short story collection Monsters at Dusk just 11 days away from release, I’d like to add something new to the menu. Today, I’d like to share the titles of all 10 stories. In addition, these titles come with a brief peek at each story.

If you like the sampler, don’t forget to order the main course on September 6th. Here we go!

Several Messages from Abby to God (Regarding Her Cat)

Dear Mr. Satan,

My name is Abby Thymes and my cat Pickles just died. I herd about you at Sunday skool and they said you’re kinda meen but also kinda magical I guess so I thought I’d say hi. I think Mr. God’s maybe taking a nap becuz he didn’t anser me.

Have you seen my cat Pickles down there? If you have could you send him back? If you do I would like you a lot and I would lissin to loud music with screeming and screechee gitars and stuff. My brother lissins to that stuff and he says it’s your favrit music. I’m sorry I don’t spell very good.

Anyway please send Pickles back. If not I’ll be really really mad at you.

Sincerealy,

Abby Thymes

Unbelievable

Anyway, once back at his dorm room, [Toby had] thrown on his clothes, some flip-flops, his backpack, whatever, and he’d dashed out the door. He smelled like his childhood dog Ambrose used to smell after rolling in the mud, but there was no time to care. If he was late again, the honorable professor Simon R. Briggs would fail him. And then probably murder him, just because he had tenure and he could get away with it.

We Remember

In my dream, I lie in bed beside you and I remember the outdoor concert where we first met, how hard it poured during the encore. I remember watching Troll 2 with you, our first B-movie, and laughing hard enough that cream soda gushed from my nose—still the only time it’s ever happened. I remember how hot it was the day we got married, how we all (especially me) sweat through our clothes. I remember the first time we kissed, and how my heartbeat never quite slowed around you since.

Large Coffee, Black

Some people flavor their coffee with sugar, milk, creamer, and the like. Osbourne truly hates those people.

A Good Fit in Penbluff City

Pren isn’t royalty, by the way. But that doesn’t mean she can’t feel like royalty. After all, she’s the closest thing to it these days. She’s a billionaire: first as a player, then as a landowner, now as a team owner in a sports league. And there’s no bigger sports league than the Greater Questing League.

Alice

Why would it do that? Never heard of an animal crying before, have you? That would require being sad, and being sad means you’ve got emotions. Animals only have about three: they’ve got scared, they’ve got hungry, and they’ve got horny—and don’t tell Gram I told you that last one. Animals don’t have the mental know-how to feel anything else.

Thespian: A Tale of Tragedy and Redemption in Three Acts

I was jobless, worthless, a base wretch and nothing more. My tyrannical landlady ousted me from my apartment, you see, just a day after my release from the theater company. The old bag cited three months without rental payment as motivation. She even cast me aside without so much as a “Good luck, and break a leg!”

Virus / Affliction / Condition / Curse

“Yeah, I worked on the werewolf Super Bowl commercial.” Giovanni Fressi frowns for a moment, then says, “Why? You wanna complain about it?”

Wings

“I can give you wings,” he said.

That was all. That and an enigmatic smile, a smile that might’ve been warm or predatory or indifferent. All he wanted was an answer. A yes.

I gave it to him.

The Megrim

When the first child vanished in the night, I called on the High Temple for aid.

Piebald the Cobbler laughed at me for doing it. “You’re always worrying, Pureman,” he said the following day as we trudged over fresh snow. “Too much for a young man like you. I’ve got a boy of my own. These children, they go wandering, they come back. Once this one starts missing his sweets and his bed, he’ll return.”

Yet a day passed without sign of the child.

[You can read even more from this one here.]

That’s all for now…

But you can buy the entire book on ebook or paperback September 6th. Look for it then!


Kyle A. Massa is the author of the novel Gerald Barkley Rocks and the forthcoming short story collection Monsters at Dusk. His stories have appeared in numerous online magazines, including Allegory, Chantwood, and Dark Fire Fiction. He lives somewhere in upstate New York with his wife and their two cats.

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An Early Look at “Monsters at Dusk”

Monsters at Dusk

I’ve been teasing a new book for the past few months. I’m happy to say it’s nearly here.

The book is called Monsters at Dusk. It’s a short story collection (well, technically six short stories, three flash fiction pieces, and one novella). Each story concerns a different monster, some literal, some metaphorical, some you’ll recognize, others you won’t. A handful of these stories have been published around the internet; most are unpublished and original. Here they are, together for the first time. Kinda like The Avengers in 2012.

But you can’t have a book without a cover. So that’s why I asked my good buddy and eminently talented designer Nathan Rumsey to do this:

Nathan did the cover for my first book, Gerald Barkley Rocks, as well. Don’t ask me which I love more—it’s like choosing between kids. To learn more about the making of this one, feel free to read last week’s blog post, “Creating the Cover of ‘Monsters at Dusk’.”

Now what about the cover copy? I’m glad you asked, kind reader. Here’s a little more info about Monsters at Dusk:

There’s no monster under your bed, but there are several in this book.

The first short story collection from “Gerald Barkley Rocks” author Kyle A. Massa, “Monsters at Dusk” offers answers to several important questions, such as:

Do vampires use Snapchat?

What happens when a demonic cat declares war on God and Satan?

Is someone drinking your memories? If so, are they tasty?

If a mad scientist offers to build you a set of wings, should you accept?

Can sports franchises set in epic fantasy worlds make better hiring decisions than real ones?

How would the American legal system handle werewolves?

What is a Megrim and why does it keep taking everyone’s kids?

Balancing fantasy, science fiction, horror, and humor, each of the collection’s 10 stories concerns a different monster—some familiar, some original, some literal, some metaphorical, all strange and wonderful in their own way.

Monsters at Dusk arrives Friday, September 6th, on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, and in paperback.


Kyle A. Massa is the author of the novel Gerald Barkley Rocks and the forthcoming short story collection Monsters at Dusk. His stories have appeared in numerous online magazines, including Allegory, Chantwood, and Dark Fire Fiction. He lives somewhere in upstate New York with his wife and their two cats.

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The Force Awakens Gets the Tone Just Right

Star Wars VII Logo

If you’ve seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens, I’m guessing you liked it. And on the off chance that you didn’t, I’m guessing you still liked it more than the prequel films. Though there are many elements working for this film that weren’t working in the prequels, I think the key is tone.

What was the tone of the original three Star Wars films? A satisfying blend of wonder, adventure, humor, action, and drama. The prequels were a little heavy on the latter two, which kind of spoiled the recipe. The Force Awakens, however, got it just right.

It’s much easier to enjoy the world of a film when the characters are enjoying, too. For example, when Rey and Finn escape aboard the Millennium Falcon, they’re just as excited about their accomplishment as we are. That feels much more real to me than the characters of Episodes I, II, and III, who pretty much have flat reactions to just about everything. Exhibit A:

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SqTR0DorSw]

And Exhibit B:

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSN9Hc0Y_2U&w=560&h=315]

And this…

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AUNxoBvHCk&w=420&h=315]

We don’t see this kind of stiffness in the original trilogy. Instead, we have scenes of straight humor, such as Han’s classic “Who’s scruffy lookin’?” line—which is way more quotable, and not in an ironic way. Probably should’ve used that one more in high school…

It’s not that the prequels didn’t try for moments of levity. Jar Jar Binks was an attempt at humor. A misguided, bungling, completely unfunny attempt at humor, sure, but an attempt nonetheless. (P.S., did you know he’s a Sith Lord? I’m convinced.)

Ultimately, the tone of The Force Awakens matches the tone of the originals far better than the prequels. If the prequel trilogy came out first, I suspect it wouldn’t have been so disappointing. The established tone would’ve been a bit more serious and a bit less humorous. Therefore, audiences maybe wouldn’t have gone into theaters expecting something they weren’t going to get. It’s sort of like when Coke changed their recipe; people didn’t like it because it was unfamiliar.

The Force Awakens, however, is much more successful because the filmmakers go back to a world in which discovery and fun are integral to the story, just like in the original trilogy of films. It’s not just that we get Luke and Han and Leia back—it’s that we get their energy and excitement back, too.

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