Tag: writing dialogue

When Writing Dialogue, Don’t Forget Who’s Talking

January 20, 2020 / Kyle A. Massa

A burly henchman wearing an eyepatch and a prickly sneer leans against a castle parapet. He stands not three paces away from a knight in glittering armor. The latter of the pair is not happy.

“I’ll ask again,” growls the knight. “Did you or did you not witness the incident in question?”

The henchman thinks on this for a moment. He wads a ball of phlegm in his throat and spits, not far from the knight’s shiny boots.

The henchman says, “For whom do you work, sir?”

And the reader thinks, Wait a second. What?

Dialogue is one of the trickiest components of writing fiction. We authors spend years learning the numerous rules of grammar and punctuation, only to discover they should, almost always, be ignored when writing dialogue. After all, people rarely talk like they write.

Consider the above example. It’s grammatically correct for the henchman to use “whom” in this statement, since it’s a pronoun in the objective sense. Furthermore, avoiding the construction “Whom do you work for?” precludes a hanging preposition at the end of the sentence.

Yes, this line demonstrates good grammar. But it’s still bad dialogue.

That’s because when we write dialogue, we must always remember who’s talking. Dialogue is about character, authenticity, and occasionally plot—it’s almost never about adhering to syntax or grammar.

The henchman’s line feels wrong because everything else he’s done suggests he wouldn’t talk like that. He’s a henchman, he sneers, he spits near people’s nice boots. There’s no way this guy would know the difference between who and whom.

Ideally, dialogue sounds unique to the character speaking it. I find it helps to ask myself, Would this character say that? Or, Is this how this character would say it? Or, Would this character use that word, or another?

Questions like these make writing dialogue both difficult and enjoyable. It’s a challenge, and like any challenge, improvement comes with practice. There are many ways to develop the right voice for characters, but I think the best way is to just write. And write. And write.

Most importantly, let’s not forget who’s talking. It’s the number one influence on every line of dialogue.

Kyle A. Massa is a speculative fiction author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife and their two cats. He has written two books and numerous short stories, both published and yet-to-be published. He enjoys unusual narrative structures, multiple POVs, and stories about coffee.

3 Mistakes Writers Make When Writing Dialogue (And How to Fix Them)

June 11, 2018 / Kyle A. Massa

Good dialogue is a pleasure to read. However, writing dialogue is not always a pleasure to create. As with any difficult task, sometimes we make mistakes.

Fortunately for you, I make mistakes all the time. So here are three mistakes I’ve made when writing dialogue, along with some thoughts on how to avoid them. Hope you can learn something from it!

1. Overdoing Voice

Conventional wisdom states that every character should have a unique voice. While this is true, sometimes we writers make the mistake of taking this tip too far. For instance, I remember writing a character whose every other line ended with the word “chief.” Some examples:

“You gonna finish that, chief?”

“That’s it, chief, go that way.”

“Chief, you better listen to me. I’m about to lose it.”

Don’t worry, I’m laughing at it, too. Unintentional comedy is often the funniest kind.

Anyway, we definitely want our characters to have unique voices. But we also want them to sound like real people, not repetitive weirdos. Some writers overpack their characters’ dialogue with “ums” and “you knows.” Others overdo accents, turning every “your” into “yer” and every “isn’t” into “ain’t.” To be clear, I’m not calling these techniques useless. Let’s just remember that a little goes a long way.

Of note: I think it’s useful to exaggerate dialogue in early drafts. Doing so oftentimes helps us get a strong grasp of the character. In the first draft, put in as many “chiefs” as you like. Just don’t forget to scale it back to a reasonable level.

2. Being Expository

“I’m feeling so conflicted right now,” said Solara. “I could get the vanilla, but I really like chocolate. I only have enough for one scoop. Such a dilemma!”

This dialogue is just as bad as the guy who says chief all the time—maybe worse. Dialogue is at its best when it’s subtle rather than heavy-handed. When characters state exactly what they think, it feels inauthentic. People rarely say exactly what’s on their minds. Rather, they more often hint at it through subtext.

When I feel like my dialogue is too expository, I often define the information I’m trying to impart, then decide how to show that information without stating it. In the above example, Solara might instead ask her friends, “Have you had the vanilla here before?” Or maybe she asks for sample of both flavors, thinks a moment then says, “Wait. Sorry. Can I try them one more time? Please?” There are plenty of ways to show that the character’s conflicted without injecting that exact message into our dialogue.

3. Relying Too Heavily on Dialogue

People talking I studied screenwriting in college. Afterward, I switched over to prose. I’ve stayed there ever since. The funny thing is, sometimes you might read my manuscripts and think you’re reading a movie script. Sometimes I get into a mode where my scenes are all dialogue and no description.

If you’re writing prose, using too much dialogue is like buying a tool kit and only using the hammer. The novel form grants us access to the authorial voice, so we should use it. If we try to develop everything with dialogue (character, backstory, plot, setting, conflict), we run the risk of committing mistake number two.

Of course, there are exceptions. Dave Eggers’s Your Fathers, Where Are They? And the Prophets, Do They Live Forever? is a novel written entirely as dialogue. But this is an outlier. And let’s not forget that it was written by a guy who wrote seven other novels.

For those writing prose, dialogue is a tasty steak—but only when seasoned correctly. Think of non-dialogue sentences as your spices.

In Conclusion

Yes, writing dialogue is sometimes a pain. But that only means it’s a worthwhile pursuit. Let’s avoid these mistakes. Let’s stay determined. And please, let’s not write any characters who call people “chief.” Sorry for that.

Kyle A. Massa is a speculative fiction author living somewhere in upstate New York with his fiancee and their two cats. His stories have appeared in numerous online magazines, including Allegory, Chantwood, and Dark Fire Fiction.

Enter Late, Leave Early

April 2, 2018 / Kyle A. Massa

No, the title of this post is not a reference to party etiquette. Rather, it’s a writing principle you might’ve heard before. When composing a scene, it’s often best to begin that scene as late as possible, then end it as early as possible.

Want to bring this concept to your own writing? Here are some thoughts on how to do it.

Entering Late

Dialogue should sound like real people talking, but only to a certain extent. One of my professors described good dialogue as, “The way people would talk if they had time to think of the perfect words.” This makes perfect sense to me. Because if our dialgoue sounds exactly like everyday speech, we’re going to get an annoyingly high percentage of “ums,” “uhs,” and “you knows.”

Now how does entering late/leaving early apply to writing fiction? Well, just think of all the pleasantries we exchange at the beginning and end of most conversations. They’re perfectly acceptable in a casual chat—less so in fiction. For example…

“Hey Marcel, how you doing?”

“Craig, what’s up, man? I’m doing alright. Yourself?”

“Good man, good. Just watching some X-Files. You busy right now?”

“I can talk for a second. What’s up?”

“Well, I uh, I heard the bad news. That’s tough man. People gotta stay off their cell phones when they drive.”

There. We finally arrived at the subject of Marcel and Craig’s discussion: a car accident. Problem is, we entered this conversation too late; the first four lines of dialogue really don’t do anything relevant (although one has to wonder what X-Files episode Craig is watching).

Here’s what it might look like if we start the conversation a bit later:

“Hello?”

“Tell me it isn’t totaled.”

“Hey Craig. Haven’t heard from the auto shop yet. Fingers crossed.”

Since we entered the scene later, we’re thrown right into the action. No messing around with inane chatter at the beginning. This leads to better scenes, better dialogue, and better stories.

Leaving Early

When you reach the end of an article, do you skip over the conclusion? Writing a scene is no different. Once you’ve made your point, people are less interested in anything that comes after. As writers, we should strive to end our scenes before that happens. Here’s another example using the characters from the previous scene:

“I’m just lucky to be alive.”

“Totally Marcel, totally. It was like a super bad wreck. But hey, you’re here now, and that’s what matters.”

“You said it, man.”

“Well, I better get going. The smoking dude just showed up.”

“Oh snap. Alright, later Craig.”

“See ya, Marcel.”

Though I haven’t written the whole scene, let’s presume Marcel and Craig have been discussing the accident. When we leave conversations too late, characters tend to restate what’s been said before. It’s super boring. This scene probably should’ve ended after that first sentence.

And another thing: I mentioned this in a previous post about line breaks, but I think it deserves repeating here. Statements are most profound when they come before a break. So the final sentence before your scene ends should be a good one. Which sounds better to you: “I’m just lucky to be alive,” or “See ya, Marcel”? The answer’s pretty clear.

Conclusion

In an effort to follow my own advice, I’m going to keep things short. Enter late, leave early. You’ll love the results.

Kyle A. Massa is a speculative fiction author living somewhere in upstate New York with his fiancee and their two cats. His stories have appeared in numerous online magazines, including Allegory, Chantwood, and Dark Fire Fiction. To stay current with Kyle’s work, subscribe to his email newsletter. He promises not to spam you.