Apocalypse Now…or Never

I’m having a hard time buying this “2012: World is Going to End” crap. Don’t get me wrong, I think 2012 is going to be a big year. After all, we’re going to have a new presidential election, and those are always fun, right? For those metal heads, Black Sabbath is going on tour with the original lineup for the first time since ’78. And, we’ll finally be rid of those abysmal “Twilight” films. I think it’s safe to say that these things are all far more certain than the apocalypse. Though to be fair, Ozzy Osbourne may put a damper on the reunion, due to the strong possibility that he’s been a zombie for the past ten years. I’ll admit that he doesn’t seem to have much of a craving for brains, and he doesn’t seem to be completely dead. But seriously, much as I love the man, he doesn’t seem to be entirely alive either.

As we all know, the Mayans were a brilliant and progressive people. They created a complex hieroglyphic system and built structures that wow experts even today. There is even some evidence that suggests the ancient Mayans were astronomers, even before the telescope was invented. But perhaps their most notable contribution to the world is the Mayan calendar.

For those who don’t know, the Mayan calendar ends somewhere around December 21st of the year 2012. Many people seem to think that this is some sort of warning for our imminent destruction, that the world is going to end on this date, or that there will be some great cosmic event that will irrevocably alter our world.

On that point at least, I agree with the doomsayers. There will indeed be a huge event in the year 2012, and it will be called…The Hobbit.

That’s right, The Hobbit. Not a meteor, or a flood, or any other cataclysmic disaster. It will be this move, and it will change our world. This is the foundation of fantasy literature, being translated into a live-action film for the first time. I’ve never been much of a crier, but tears of joy are staining my computer screen even as I type these words…

But, I digress. After all, according to the doomsayers, we only have a year to live. They seem to think that there’s no time for tears, nor is there time to be thinking about dwarves and dragons and wizards. I should be doing all the things I’ve always wanted to do but have never had the balls for. That’s the good thing about a deadline: it gives you the balls to get things done.

And what better deadline is there than my own impending doom? It’s so final, so conclusive. The perfect motivator. If I don’t do it now, I’ll never have the chance to do it again.

But wait a second. Let’s be rational for a moment. Before we all pull out our bucket lists, let’s sit down and think for a moment. Let’s say that you’re making something, anything. It could be a cake, a song, a scrapbook, a movie, anything. At the moment, I’m feeling hungry, so let’s use the cake as our example.

Let’s say you spend a huge amount of time on your cake, adding layer upon layer until you’ve constructed a castle of funfetti and frosting. It may be huge, yes, even long-lasting, so great that people will gawk at it for years after you’re dead. (If you don’t believe me, make a funfetti cake and leave it in your dorm room for a few months. See if it isn’t still there.)

Eventually, due to old age, a lack of baking tools, or a sugar-induced coma, you’ll have to stop adding layers to the cake. The same is true for anything. Much as I may want it to, even “The Simpsons” won’t go on forever. Well, maybe that’s a bad example.

At any rate, I think we must understand the Mayan calendar from this perspective. The Mayans could not add and add and add years to their calendar infinitely. They had to stop somewhere, and December 21, 2012 just happened to be that day.

Although, I will admit that I can see why some think we’re headed for annihilation. Between war, global warming, and Justin Bieber, the world seems to be going a little nutty. I swear, if Bieber gets any more popular, I hope the world ends.

Either way, whether we make it through this year or not, I think we can all agree on one thing. Life can change at any moment. One day, we may be on top of the world, and the next, the world may be on top of us. If the latter is our fate, if 2012 is really our last year on this earth, let’s go out with a bang. Let’s do what we’ve always wanted to do.

Because isn’t life best when it’s lived to the fullest?

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One thought on “Apocalypse Now…or Never

  1. Salkey, I am not sure if I agree with your premise or your facts. First, dead celebrities have agents, so why shouldn’t they have roles? Sixty Minutes did a great story on celebrity agents protecting the rights for Elvis, Marilyn, and the gloved wonder. Forest Gump visited all kinds of celebrities and I was downright happy for him. I think you and your father are needlessly worried about this brave new world of computer-generated movies. We will always want home-cooked meals, live theater, and movies with real people. But, as a fellow Simpson aficionado, I must say that if the computers can make it happen on the big screen… I want to enjoy it. But, you’re right about Bieber.

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