Why do one task well when you can do several poorly?
That’s the multitasker’s credo. I would know, because I’m a serial multitasker myself. Whether it’s listening to podcasts, exploring Wikipedia, or flipping a pen around in my left hand, I’m always doing other stuff. Perhaps I’m even multitasking right now.
But what would the world look like without this glorious skill? I shudder to contemplate it, but that is why we’re here. So, in a world without multitasking…
…People Might Die of Boredom
Has anyone’s cause of death ever been listed as “boredom”? Not to my knowledge—but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen.
Imagine, for instance, you find yourself at a local staging of Christopher Marlowe’s Doctor Faustus. This happened to me as a wee lad, and though I’ve since grown to appreciate the play, this particular production was a snooze. Fortunately, I had my trusty Gameboy Advance tucked into my cargo shorts, so I passed the time by leveling-up my Treecko in Pokemon Ruby. Yes, multitasking saved my life.
Picture my mom and sister’s horror if the lights came up at intermission and they’d found me dead of boredom. Now that would’ve been a tragedy.
…This Very Article Wouldn’t Exist
That’s because I’m dictating it on my phone on my way to work. To be clear, it’s hands-free multitasking, which is the best sort, right up there with listening to audiobooks. Told you I’m a serial multitasker.
…Audiobook Sales Would Plummet
Speaking of audiobooks, 93% of people who listen to them are also doing something else.
Did I pull that figure out of my ass? Why yes, I did. But the essence of the argument is true; many readers enjoy audiobooks while driving, cleaning, doing dishes, or some combination of the three. Or, if you’re like me, you listen to A Song of Ice and Fire while playing basketball in your driveway. The Battle of Blackwater Bay is particularly exhilarating, especially when working on one’s jumpshot.
But without multitasking, say goodbye to Audible. Worse yet, imagine how boring household chores would become. I think I’d just pull a Gollum and go live in a cave. (Far less upkeep, not to mention no property taxes.)
…We’d All Be Far More Attentive
I love multitasking, but I’ll admit it can be distracting. Have you ever tried doing the self-checkout at the grocery store while listening to the latest episode of The Bill Simmons Podcast? I have, and let me tell you, it’s a challenge—especially when you order cash back from a machine that doesn’t dispense cash, because you didn’t notice the handwritten sign above the screen, and now the machine has stolen $40 of your hard-earned money, and you ask the attendant what’s going on, only you can’t hear him because you’re still listening to The Bill Simmons Podcast, and Bill is interviewing Jeff Bridges and everybody seems to be having a good time, except for you, by which I mean, me.
My point is, none of this would’ve happened in a world without multitasking. And I’d be $40 richer.
…Phones Would Just Be Phones Again
At the risk of making up another statistic, I’d venture we use modern cell phones more for data than calls. Without multitasking, we might as well revert to the days of rotary dial. I confess I wouldn’t mind that, since turning the wheel looks fun.
…Huh?
Sorry, what did you say? I was checking my email.
…Social Media Wouldn’t Be So Ubiquitous
Some might dispute this claim, but I don’t read my comments, so joke’s on them. Seriously though, social media’s allure lies in slipping updates between moments. Waiting in line? Check Twitter. Enjoying the sunrise? Share it on Instagram. Taking a dump? Call somebody on WhatsApp.
Just kidding, nobody uses WhatsApp (except for Momo). And even if you do, you should probably wait until you’re out of the bathroom before calling anyone. Which reminds me…
…We’d Have Nothing to Do While Pooping
This is the ultimate opportunity for multitasking, and therefore, it’s one of the most devastating losses we’d suffer. Sure, this is usually time spent on the phone, or reading, or, in my case, sifting through Magic cards. Yet still, it’s better than just sitting there staring at the wall while nature runs its course.
Babies have it best, because they can roll, crawl, cry, or giggle, all whilst simultaneously pooping in their diapers. They’re a model of multitasking, and perhaps us adults should take note. Imagine how exponentially productivity would increase if we all wore Huggies.
…The World Would Be Far Less Interesting
I’m glad multitasking exists, especially on the toilet. (Not that I’m writing this part from a toilet—you can’t prove that.) Though it might lead to decreased attention spans, I believe multitasking is a net positive for society. Now please excuse me while I go eat breakfast, edit this article, check my email, and finish packing my bag for work, all at once. Wish me luck!
Kyle A. Massa is a comic fantasy author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife, their daughter, and three wild animals. His published works include three books and several short stories. When he’s not writing, he enjoys reading, running, and drinking coffee.
Read more from the “World Without” blog series here. And if you want to see a specific topic, email kyle@kyleamassa.com.
