Giants Season Preview

All-Pro Reels, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Big Blue is back and bluer than ever. Another NFL season is upon us!

Yes, pity me, reader. I’m a New York Giants fan. Just like last year, I’m getting you set with a preview article. Here are all the reasons to be both hopeful and depressed (mostly depressed).

Last Season

…Was a dumpster fire. Whether it was the slew of injuries, the anemic offense, or the infamous back-to-back QB sneaks, nothing went right. The only good thing about the season was its conclusion, along with General Manager David Gettleman’s retirement and the firings of Head Coach Joe Judge and Offensive Coordinator Jason Garrett. I don’t enjoy rooting for people to lose their jobs, but in these cases, it felt warranted.

The Offseason

Gettleman, Judge, and Garrett weren’t the only departures. The Giants cleaned house in the front office; by my count, 20 positions were replaced or eliminated. The most notable new arrivals are Head Coach Brian Daboll and General Manager Joe Schoen, both coming from the Buffalo Bills and both doing their respective jobs for the first time.

Of the two, Daboll worries me most. Why? Since Tom Coughlin left in 2016, here are the Giants’ non-interim head coaches:

  • Ben McAdoo (the guy who looked like he was reading from a Denny’s menu)
  • Pat Shurmur (the guy with a lifetime coaching record of 19-26)
  • Joe Judge (the guy Sally Jenkins compared to a clown)

All three served as successful assistant coaches prior to their hirings. All three fizzled after two years in NYC. Seeing a pattern here?

Like his predecessors, Daboll was a hotshot coordinator with little or no previous head coaching experience. Sure, he’s likely better than the others. But after three failed attempts, why do we think the fourth will work? Why didn’t we instead hire a proven, competent NFL coach, like Brian Flores? Because that’s Giants football, baby.

And somehow, this isn’t even the team’s most dubious offseason move. That award goes to a trio of cuts: Veterans James Bradberry, Logan Ryan, and Blake Martinez, all trimmed to clear cap space.

Cap space for what, you ask? The piggy bank, I suppose, since the team’s best acquisitions were Matt Breida, Jon Feliciano, and Tyrod Taylor, all castoffs from the Buffalo Bills (because the Bills are trendy right now).

The Draft

At least this went well. With two picks in the top 10, the Giants selected Oregon defensive end Kayvon Thibodeaux and Alabama offensive tackle Evan Neal. Many analysts considered Thibodeaux the most talented player in the draft, but after launching his own cryptocurrency, NFL GMs questioned his focus, hence his fall to the Giants at pick five.

Umm. Okay? I don’t understand cryptocurrencies, either, but I wouldn’t call them a red flag. Whatever. The Giants got Thibodeaux, so that makes me happy.

Of course, in typical Giants fashion, he got injured in the preseason and will miss several weeks, barring any setbacks. Best invest in KayvonCoin now.

What to Expect This Season

The easy answer is mediocrity. Quarterback Daniel “Dimes” Jones has showed little improvement (if any) during his three years in the NFL. Also, after cutting Bradberry and Ryan and losing safety Jabrill Peppers in free agency, the Giants’ secondary looks about as formidable as a “please slow down” sign written in crayon.

And yet…

There is a case for success. First, they have one of the easiest schedules in football based on projected win totals. Second, their division is one of the worst; Washington spent draft capital to acquire Carson Wentz (rivals Daniel Jones for turnover creativity), Dallas is always overhyped (don’t deny it), and Philly is coached by this guy:

Third, the Giants have a contingency plan at quarterback: Tyrod Taylor. He’s not flashy, but he’s competent. Despite his cool nickname, Danny Dimes has played more like Danny Ha’Penny. I expect Tyrod to arrive around week four or five.

Get Ready for Football

When you’re a Giants fan, pessimism is never a bad look. But with New York’s season kicking off Sunday, September 11, there’s still time to hope. It might be miserable, but hey. At least it’s football.

Kyle A. Massa is a comic fantasy author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife, their daughter, and three wild animals. His published works include three books and several short stories. When he’s not writing, he enjoys reading, running, and drinking coffee.