Tag: gerald barkley rocks

My Upcoming Book Schedule

As you may or may not be aware, I recently released a (sort of) new book called Past, Present, FutureI’ve also got another, Remembering the End, arriving later this year. But those aren’t the only books coming to a shelf near you.

Today’s the perfect day to reveal all the books I’m working on. Let the hype-train commence its chugging.

The Woman with the Wine Glass

To capitalize on the trend of book club books about alcoholic shut-ins, I’m writing a twisty mystery about Lilith, an alcoholic shut-in.

One night while staring out the window and guzzling some Barefoot-brand white zinfandel, Lilith witnesses a heinous crime: Her neighbor beating her husband to death using a mini baseball bat from the Cooperstown Baseball Hall of Fame.

But did Lilith truly see what she thinks she saw, or was it a hallucination brought on by her wine-induced stupor? Not sure. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.

Expected release date: ASAP, since this literary fad should go the way of the vampire any day now.

Gerald Barkley Rocks: Kyle’s Version

(Cover originally designed by Nathan Rumsey and here modified by the author.)

Re-releasing a previously released album? That’s a Taylor Swift special. I haven’t dropped an album of my own (yet), so I suppose I’ll settle for my books.

The thing is, my first novel, Gerald Barkley Rockswas already an independent release, meaning there’s no distributor to break free from. So, my plan is to copy and paste my book’s text into a new file, then slap “Kyle’s Version” on the cover and call it a day. Hopefully, my psychotic cult of fans will buy millions of copies so I can continue flying my private jet to the far reaches of the earth.

Expected release date: You’ll find out during the Grammys.

Spon Con: The Book

If you enjoy commercials during podcasts or the #ad hashtag, you’ll love this book. From cover to cover, it’s all product placements.

What for? Whatever you’ll pay me for. I’m opening this one up to advertisers, especially the ones who cold email me with no knowledge of who I am or what I do. I’m aiming for 300 pages, and every page is its own advertisement—the more garish, the better. Get your spot while they last.

Expected release date: April 2025, or whenever I accumulate enough money to buy an Alpha Black Lotus.

So Done with Airports: An Anti-Flyer’s Manifesto

Perhaps the most personal book I’ve ever written, this mad ranting is the perfect distillation of my hatred for the airline industry. I cover everything from security to bag policies to seat size. There’s even a chapter on how best to silently seethe while your seat-neighbor spreads over the armrest like a blob of molasses.

Expected release date: October 2025.

ChristmaTyranny: A Tale of Revolution & Retribution

Deep in the frozen wastes of the North Pole, Boss Santa rules as unquestioned god-king over his subjects. Christmas trees stand as monuments to his splendor, exhausted reindeer haul his chariot across the eternal night sky, and the vicious Gingerbread Mobsters serve as enforcers of his orthodoxy.

Under the sugar-laced thumb of this toy-making empire lies Bupkis, a lowly quality assurance elf who’s so bland and forgettable he must wear a nametag, despite working the same job all his life.

Yet when an underground insurgency force recruits Bupkis to overthrow Boss Santa’s corrupt regime, the elf’s true loyalties are put to the test. Is he really just the company man he appears to be, or is Bupkis deceiving both sides—and perhaps even himself?

One part spy thriller, one part heist adventure, and all parts festive, ChristmaTyranny is the gift that keeps on giving plot twists, right until the bittersweet end. Hailed as “anti-plutocracy ideology meets Elf,” there’s no better book to add to your stocking this holiday season.

Ho ho has gotta go.

Expected release date: Christmas 2025, of course.

Say Nothing & Complain About It Later: A Practical Guide to Passive-Aggression in the Workplace

Most business books offer suggestions on improving one’s corporate image, but instead of zigging, I’m zagging. Mine is all about letting the hate flow through you.

Angered by coworkers always leaving the water cooler empty? Annoyed by the inane chatter happening right outside your cubicle? Distressed by the state of the bathrooms? This book will help turn your simmer into a boil, making you the most passive-aggressive person in the office since Angela Martin. It even comes with a handy supplementary workbook containing future employment suggestions for after you’ve been fired.

Expected release date: Look, I’m working on it, alright? I’ll have an update by EOD.

Ceaseless Hype: A Memoir of My Dog

For those who’ve never met her, my dog Osi is a hyperactive four-year-old English Springer Spaniel who writes under the pen name “Psychopup.” Of course, no one ever believes she’s four, because she acts more like she’s four months. And now, I’m co-authoring a book with her.

It’s a slow process. Every time I try to schedule writing sessions, Osi’s eating, napping, or running wind sprints in the backyard. Plus, like many dogs, she has no fingers, so I’ll be doing all the typing.

Expected release date: Woof. (That’s a direct quote from Osi.)

Get Your Wallets Ready

These books are coming soon to online retailers near you—except ChristmaTyranny. I’ve just received word that Santa is suing me for libel, so that one’s on hold. Maybe I’ll write a book about the proceedings.

P.S. Happy Aprils Fools’ Day.


Kyle A. Massa is a comedy author of some sort living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife, their daughter, and three wild animals. His published works include five books, along with several short stories, essays, and poems. When he’s not writing, he enjoys reading, running, and drinking coffee.

The Wild Ride of Publishing Wide

Wide publishing

Being an indie author is like being a grizzled old fisherman—you catch more if you cast a wider net. (Of course, dear reader, I know you’re a human, not a fish.)

I build my net out of websites. BookFunnel, Amazon, Smashwords, even this very site you’ve found yourself on. The more sites you can buy my books, the wider my net. Speaking of which, let’s take a look at the net.

This Here Website

Yes, you can buy books on kyleamassa.com without ever leaving it. And sorry for the salesy marketing speak, but it’s now easier than ever.

When you bought a book from my site in the past, you’d receive an automated email with several files attached. Functional, but not optimal. I’ve got a better way now thanks to BookFunnel.

When you buy a book on my site, BookFunnel automatically emails you with a download page. You may select from a loaded buffet of options, including Kindle, iPad, iPhone, Android, or computer. BookFunnel will hook you up with the proper file type, and often deliver it right to your desired device.

It’s really quite an elegant service. If you’d like to try it out for yourself, you can download my triptych short story collection, Past, Present, Future. It’s everybody’s favorite price: free.

Almighty Amazon

Yes, Amazon is essentially essential at this point for any indie author. My books have been there for years—but there’s a newcomer to the party.

You may remember Big Riches, Fine Wine, and a Pinch of Dragonsbane appearing as an exclusive story on my site last year. Now that it’s existed for a full calendar year, I’ve given it to Almighty Amazon.

To be clear, you can still buy Dragonsbane on my site. Just trying to expand that net, ya know?

A Smashing Smashwords Discount

If you’ve made it this far, you’re in luck. Smashwords has an annual summer sale, and two of my books, Gerald Barkley Rocks and Monsters at Dusk, are both discounted for—please don’t pass out—75% off.

So, for the summer only, you can get either (or why not both?) for $1.24 per purchase. They are not going to get any cheaper than that!

Widening That Net

It’s important to me to make my books available in as many places as possible. Yes, I want to sell more. But I also believe book should be available to anyone who wants to read them, no matter where they find them.

I hope my wide net finds you. And, if not, please email me at kyle@kyleamassa.com and let me know. I’ll see what I can do for you!


Kyle A. Massa is a speculative fiction author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife, their cats, and their dog. He has written two books and numerous short stories, both published and yet-to-be published. He enjoys unusual narrative structures, multiple POVs, and stories that make readers laugh.

The Blog About the Holiday Book Blob

Picture this: Four books sat on a shelf and watched as a blob—a festive, bookish sort of blob—slogged inexorably forward. Toward them.

The names of those four books, in no particular order, were Gerald Barkley Rocks, Monsters at Dusk, Past, Present, Future., and Big Riches, Fine Wine, and a Pinch of Dragonsbane. They were siblings, and therefore prone to disagreements every now and then. Like now, for instance.

“Listen,” said Gerald Barkley Rocks, who was the oldest and therefore the de facto leader of the four. “I don’t know what that blob is or what it wants, but I’m just a book. And I’m a book about music, mortality, and to a lesser extent, cats. How the hell am I supposed to know what to do in a disaster scenario?”

No help there. So the other books looked to Monsters at Dusk for guidance. After all, Monsters at Dusk was a book about monsters. And isn’t a blob a monster?

“Werewolves,” said Monsters at Dusk. “Dream entities that feed off memories. Giant black birds that take people in the night. Those are the monsters I deal with. Blobs are above my pay grade.”

Maybe Past, Present, Future., then? It boasted fewer stories than Monsters at Dusk, but its name suggested wisdom. Perhaps the past could inform their present and offer them a better future?

“Look,” said Past, Present, Future. “If it was up to me, I’d be on the website getting downloaded by some kind, friendly reader looking for fun stories. Instead, I’m stuck here with you three schmoes about to get eaten by a blob. I’ve got nothing.”

“You think it’ll eat us?” asked Big Riches, Fine Wine, and a Pinch of Dragonsbane. It was the youngest of the four books on the shelf, and therefore inexperienced in the ways of predators and prey. “Maybe it just wants a hug.”

The blob, which was not an especially swift blob (or was perhaps an average-speed blob, since blobs don’t have legs to run with), finally reached the books. It slurped, then glurped, and also blurped (you know, blob sounds). Then it spoke.

“You four look tasty,” said the blob. “And I’m hungry. So here’s the deal. I’m eating all of you. If people want to read you, they still can. They just need to pay up.”

“How much?” asked Gerald Barkley Rocks. As the oldest, it felt obliged to speak for its siblings.

“I may be a blob, but I have morals,” answered the blob. “Just $4.99, baby. It’s a good deal.”

“Um, blob,” piped up Monsters at Dusk. “The thing is, I cost $4.99. So does GBR.”

“Speak for yourself,” said Big Riches, Fine Wine, and a Pinch of Dragonsbane. “I only cost $0.99.”

“I’m free,” Past, Present, Future reminded its siblings, “so I’ll stay out of this one.”

The blob was beginning to sense a generational divide amongst these books, but so be it.

“Look,” said the blob. “I’m a blob, and a blob’s gotta eat. Tell you what. I’ll only devour you for the month of December. People can get all four of you for five bucks. After that, they gotta buy you individually. Capeesh?”

“What are you?” asked Gerald Barkley Rocks. “An Italian blob?”

“No, punk. I’m the 2020 Holiday Book Blob.”

With that, the blob swallowed all four books into its gelatinous maw. And then it turned to you, reader.

“You want these books, pal? You got ’em. Just click below.”


Kyle A. Massa is a speculative fiction author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife, their cats, and their dog. He has written two books and numerous short stories, both published and yet-to-be published. He enjoys unusual narrative structures, multiple POVs, and stories that make readers laugh. For a free sample of Kyle’s work, subscribe to his newsletter.

Announcing the Sequel to “Gerald Barkley Rocks”

The Two Towers.

The Godfather: Part II.

The Dark Knight.

Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles.

These are some of the greatest sequels of all time. What makes them so great? They take risks. They build on their original premises in inventive and radical ways. They evolve established characters into new, more mature people. What they rarely do, however, is switch genre.

But I’m not even talking about story genre. Today, I’m talking about musical genre.

The first book I ever published is called Gerald Barkley RocksAs the title implies, it’s a novel about rock music. Sex, drugs, guitars, cats—you get the idea. I collected all my observations about rock & roll, both the good and the bad, and synthesized them into this book.

So when I sat down to write the sequel, I didn’t have much material to draw from. I’d said all I wanted to say about rock music. Then, I made a breakthrough. I needed a new genre. So I came up with…

Gerald Barkley Raps Cover

Cover originally designed by Nathan Rumsey, redesigned here by the author

Though written and set in 2018, Gerald Barkley Rocks is very much about the past. Gerald Barkley Raps is about the present (aside from all the coronavirus stuff). For those interested, here’s a brief synopsis:

After attending a rousing Kanye West concert in Orlando, Florida, retired L.A. homicide detective Gerald Barkley has an epiphany: He should become a rapper. Sure, he might be 70 years old, musically talentless, and roughly as charismatic as a bag of flour. None of that will stop Barkley from battling the haters on his journey to the top.

Thus begins an epic quest of self-discovery, autotuned choruses, and fresh beats. Old favorites from the previous book return, including bestselling author Carmen Fowler (now Barkley’s publicist), Detective Steven Nicks (now Barkley’s wardrobe stylist), and Barkley’s daughter Janine (a skeptic to her father’s transformation and therefore the sole voice of reason). A certain black cat even returns to help Barkley devise rhymes to tough words like “waterlogged.”

One part fantasy adventure, one part surrealistic romp, and one part cautionary tale, Gerald Barkley Raps might just change your perceptions of what’s possible—or even advisable. Rock might be dead, but rap is living it up.

Gerald Barkley Raps goes on sale soon in hardcover and audiobook. The latter version contains original recordings and performances of all songs, all made by the author. Hope you don’t mind songs produced on Windows Media Player!


Kyle A. Massa is a speculative fiction author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife and their two cats. He has written two books and numerous short stories, both published and yet-to-be published. He enjoys unusual narrative structures, multiple POVs, and stories about cats.

Happy Birthday “Gerald Barkley Rocks”!

Cover designed by Nathan Rumsey

One year ago, I published my first novel. It’s called Gerald Barkley Rocks.

Most writers have soft spots for their first book. I certainly do. It’s the summation of a hell of a lot of work, not to mention the tangible proof that yes, you are indeed a writer. Plus, even non-writers can’t resist seeing their names on books.

So yes, I have a soft spot for Gerald Barkley Rocks—or GBR, as I’ve come to call it, since three-letter names are hot right now. But that certainly doesn’t mean I think it’s perfect.

In fact, in honor of its one-year birthday, I’m going to mercilessly criticize GBR. Well, maybe I’ll show a little mercy. I’ll give credit when it’s deserved. But overall, I’m hoping this might be a fun and educational critique, both for you and me.

Be warned: If you haven’t read the book yet, please consider doing so before reading this blog post. Onward!

Side I

GBR is separated into four parts, which I call “sides,” so named to mimic the four sides of a vinyl double album. I pushed the metaphor even further by renaming the chapters “tracks,” as in tracks on a record. (You might’ve also noticed that each track’s title corresponds to a song by Black Cat Waltz.) I thought it was a cool meta-metaphor then and I feel the same way now. Good job, former self.

Unfortunately, Track 1 starts off slow. It performs its function well enough by introducing our main character and a few conflicts he’ll explore throughout the novel. And yes, there are some decently funny lines (“tall mocha latte swirl”). But I wish I’d found a more exciting way to begin the book. Two dudes sitting in a doctor’s office discussing blood leaking from orifices is not exactly a thrilling opener.

Things pick up in the elevator when the man in the red coat appears. I think I did a nice job connecting him with Barkley’s illness and the music of Black Cat Waltz. It’s a quick scene that suitably unsettling, both for the main character and, I hope, the reader.

The book doesn’t really heat up until Track 2 (This is when Barkley arrives at the scene and meets Carmen for the first time.) I must say, the writing is sharp here. If you’ll allow me to pat myself on the back, I feel I provided a detailed description of the scene and established several important plot points, all economically and elegantly. Carmen Fowler’s first scene in particular has some nice dialogue…

…But, that brings me to one of my main criticisms: Why does Carmen like Barkley? To be honest, this was a question most beta readers asked me when reviewing my manuscript. They didn’t understand why a Hollywood actress would have any interest in an old, glum, and mostly boring detective on the verge of retirement. Honestly, I myself had the same question, even after reading the finished product.

To be fair, I did try to answer said question in the following passage. Carmen begins it (and note, Barkley doesn’t yet know her name).

“Ever since my husband passed I go for walks at night. Can’t sleep. A few times I caught Julian out wandering and we chatted.”

“I’m sorry.”

“About the chatting?”

“About your husband. My wife passed a while back, so the sleeplessness…I get it.”


Unexpectedly, the woman reached out and squeezed Barkley’s hand. “Stay strong, detective. You’re not alone.”


Barkley wasn’t so sure about that, but it was kind of her to say so.

This is better than my earlier drafts, but it’s still a problem, even in the final one.

Rounding things out is the first of the “Hidden Tracks.” Again, going with the vinyl terminology, a hidden track is a song that isn’t listed on the sleeve but appears on the record nonetheless. A great example (and one of the first) is the song “Her Majesty” from The Beatles 1969 classic Abbey Road. It plays about almost 20 seconds after the alleged final track, though it’s not listed on the actual sleeve.

I went for a similar effect with the Hidden Tracks in my book. They’re additional pieces that add color and flavor to the narrative, though they break the book’s point of view and don’t occur during the present timeline. There are three Hidden Tracks, one at the end of each side except the fourth and final. And I’m happy to say, all three work well.

The first Hidden Track is my second favorite. Young Julian Strange’s midnight prophecy is pretty cool, and it hints at the concept of Deaths without outright explaining them. Plus, it hints at supernatural events to come.

Side II

We begin with Track 4, entitled “Sing Us a Song (But Not That One).” Here I think I did a decent job setting up the mystery. The fairy-tale inspired record store is a solid setting and Francisco Jones is a weird character. My main gripe with myself is the “Song of Eggs and Semen” bit.

I remember agonizing over the name of the song for months. I wanted a title that described the song’s purpose (offering new life) yet also made readers laugh. “Song of Eggs and Semen” was meant to be a placeholder, but I simply couldn’t come up with anything funnier. Sometimes you just run out of time and need to write something, even when you know it’s not the best answer.

Another misstep: my heavy-handed symbolism with the color red. For example, in the next track, “Love is for Strangers,” when Barkley and Carmen run into each other at Trader Joe’s, this happens:

They stood there in the aisle, just staring at each other. Cans of stewed, diced, and whole tomatoes waited silently beside them.

A swing and a miss at subtlety there.

However, this side wasn’t a total failure. Nicks proved to be as fun a supporting character as I remember him being. He plays a strong foil to Barkley and has some hilarious dialogue, such as this exchange:

“Hello. Is this Gerald Barkley?”


“Yeah. Who’s this?”


A pause on the other end. Then the voice said, “This is Julian Strange.”


The sound of Barkley’s world dipped out. His lips moved but formed no words. The message made it to his mind clear enough—it was just that his mind wasn’t accepting it. “I…this…it can’t be.”


A moment’s pause. Then a giggle, which turned into a laugh. “Nah, just fuckin’ with you. It’s Nicks.” Nicks. Detective Nicks. His second on the case. “Ha. Did I scare you?”


“Jesus Christ, man.”


“Yup, he’s here too. Let me put him on.”

Next comes Track 6: “Janine.” Honestly, I debated whether or not to keep her scenes. Though powerful, I worried their separation from the main plot made them extraneous. Ultimately, I decided to keep them. I’m glad I did.

Barkley’s conflict with Janine moved me. I think I succeeded at presenting a compelling case for both sides of the argument. I also feel the dialogue conveys grief without verging into melodrama.

The next Hidden Track, “A Night with Black Cat Waltz,” remains my favorite part of the novel. I’ve gotten similar feedback from many readers. I think it’s well-written, thrilling, and delightfully surreal. Furthermore, it serves as a keystone for the entire book. As we later discover, Barkley actually appears in this scene (even though we don’t know it’s him). It also offers a big clue about Strange’s late-night visitor. Third, this scene is the closest look at Julian Strange we ever get (while he’s still human, at least).

Also, on an adult note, a few readers noticed the constant references to Julian Strange’s—cover your eyes, kids—penis in this book. Yes, that was intentional. It’s my way of making fun of old rock stars. That’s because, and forgive me for being vulgar, classic rock is basically dick music.

Rock’s lyrics are laden with sex and macho bravado, which is simultaneously one of the genre’s signatures and most problematic elements, especially in a modern context. Some examples:

  • In Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love,” Robert Plant shrieks, “I’m gonna give you every inch of my love.”
  • Humble Pie has a song entitled, “One Eyed Trouser Snake Rumba.” One of the lyrics goes, “I got the key and you got the door.”
  • The Doors’ “Light My Fire” is pretty obvious in its symbolism.
  • AC/DC’s “Go Down” doesn’t even try to hide what it’s about.

And the list goes on. I’m not telling anyone anything they didn’t already know. But since Gerald Barkley Rocks is a comedy at heart and meant to poke fun at its subject matter, I made constant references to Julian Strange’s love gun (as Albert King might call it). Seemed like a fitting joke.

Side III

This side is the shortest in the book (just two tracks), but covers important ground. First of all, it explains Deaths and how they work. Barkley confronts the man in the red coat, and this is the explanation he gets:

“You all have your own Deaths,” the man continued. “We go where you go, for your Death is with you from the day you’re born. And when you are done—and I mean done, done—we take you. Yet usually we go unnoticed.”


“What does that mean?”


“It means each Death is a stranger. It means those who are dying do not notice their Deaths until they are very near the very end. And you’ve noticed me, Gerald Barkley.”

Readers, on the whole, seemed to dig the concept of Deaths. A few even remarked that it felt like something Stephen King might devise, which of course made me blush. Maybe I’ll come back to this concept in the future.

The other important detail from this side: A closer look into Carmen and Barkley’s relationship. I still don’t get why they started dating, but this is where I’m glad they did. Infinite, the restaurant that never closes, is one of my most cherished settings, both because I think it’s a fun concept and because it speaks to the broader theme of the book: the natural yet unattainable desire to live forever.

Of course, I did notice some overwriting. For example, this:

There was no bar music, either—just euphonious and presumably urbane conversation.

“Euphonious,” eh? That feels like I hit up the closest dictionary for a big word. Not my finest moment.

Fortunately, I recovered somewhat with the karaoke scene. Another fun setting here: some weird bar infused with a sci-fi vibe. The drink called “Qui-Gon Gin” is perhaps the best pun I’ve ever devised. And Barkley’s failure to sing works as a nice dramatic moment, plus sets him up for success at the end.

Then comes the William Shakespeare revelation, which I’m still conflicted about. As a refresher, Barkley gives Carmen a gift, which happens to be a Black Cat Waltz album with her picture on it. Shakespeare’s on there, too, and Carmen identifies him as Strange’s visitor on the night he died.

I needed a breakthrough on the case and this seemed to work decently well. On the other hand, as noted by my writer friend Levi Jacobs, the protagonist doesn’t find this breakthrough clue. Rather, it falls into his lap. Yes, this does feel like a flaw in the story. Readers want active protagonists who solve problems, not those who stumble upon answers by mistake.

Another Hidden Track follows this one, and is perhaps the most experimental of the three. It’s a script for a VH1-style music documentary chronicling the downfall of Black Cat Waltz. I feel I achieved the effect I aimed for, plus offered some insight into the band’s inner-workings, along with Julian Strange’s mental state prior to his death.

Side IV

Strange’s funeral is an okay scene, though not one of my favorites. It’s kind of whacky and hearkens back to their Nebula Lounge show in the second Hidden Track, but feels a bit more tame than I wish it could’ve been. Wish I’d written it as a more raucous affair. And then we come to Warren Wilder.

The issue with Wilder, I think, is that it’s pretty obvious he’s not dead. Readers might not necessarily make the connection that he’s the mysterious visitor, but I certainly doubt they believe my attempts to make him seem unimportant (for example, when Nicks claims, “[Wilder’s] probably dead and rotten.”

The encounter with Wilder works well enough, though. He’s pretty funny in a weirdo way, and I always enjoy writing in an old English style.

Then comes Track 12, when Barkley and Strange finally meet. It’s certainly one of my favorite scenes, especially this monologue from Strange (who’s now a kitten):

“And yet [being Julian Strange] brought me no happiness.” The kitten batted its gopher toy, watched it roll away. “At times I found it, but never for long. I’ve been searching for eons. In one life I fought for Jerusalem. In another I was accused of witchcraft. I was an American soldier who stormed the beaches of Normandy. I saw the last of the wooly mammoths wither and die away. I farmed the land in the time of the Song dynasty. I was a Mayan astronomer whose name time forgot. I was Robert Johnson. I was Cleopatra. I was Judas and Brutus both. I was Julian Strange, born Johnson Henry Mudge. I’ve lived many lives, yet never have I felt content. Maybe shitting in a litter box will change all that.”

Finally, we have the final scene. I tried not to be too obvious, though I hope that didn’t leave the result too vague. Barkley’s Death leaves him alone because he’s finally found something to live for. Then come the final lines of the book, which work smashingly, if I do say so myself…

Barkley and Carmen took their bows. Then he kissed her, and she kissed him back, and that got an even bigger hand. The crowd chanted one word, over and over.

“Was it bad?” Barkley asked.

“Terrible,” Carmen answered. “Do you hear what they’re saying?”

A smile parted his lips. “Is it…?”

And Carmen laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. “I think they’re calling for an encore.”

Overall Thoughts

It’s interesting—at times, Gerald Barkley Rocks feels like a rote detective novel. We’ve got a down-on-his luck L.A. cop investigating the murder of a famous person. Yet at other times the book gleefully breaks that mold. For example, Barkley is a decidedly unglamorous main character, plus there’s a ton of supernatural crap happening. And, as it turns out, our murder victim wasn’t even murdered.

I’d give Gerald Barkley Rocks three out of five stars. It has a flawed romantic plot, a rather pedestrian setup, and a protagonist who sometimes fails to be likable or compelling. But I believe the book makes up for those shortcomings with solid themes, intriguing supernatural elements, and a strong ending. Plus, I feel I earned extra points with an innovative structure and daring side stories.

I know, I’m biased. But if you’ve gotten this far, I hope you’ve enjoyed this article. Also, as a thank you, please try this code on Barnes & Noble Press:

BNPBIRTHDAY

Use it between 12/21/2019 and 12/29/2019 to get 50% a hardcover version of GBR.

Happy Birthday, Gerald Barkley Rocks! Hope I didn’t hurt your feelings too bad.


Kyle A. Massa is a speculative fiction author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife and their two cats. He has written two books and numerous short stories, both published and yet-to-be published. He enjoys unusual narrative structures, multiple POVs, and stories about coffee.

An Early Look at “Monsters at Dusk”

Monsters at Dusk

I’ve been teasing a new book for the past few months. I’m happy to say it’s nearly here.

The book is called Monsters at Dusk. It’s a short story collection (well, technically six short stories, three flash fiction pieces, and one novella). Each story concerns a different monster, some literal, some metaphorical, some you’ll recognize, others you won’t. A handful of these stories have been published around the internet; most are unpublished and original. Here they are, together for the first time. Kinda like The Avengers in 2012.

But you can’t have a book without a cover. So that’s why I asked my good buddy and eminently talented designer Nathan Rumsey to do this:

Nathan did the cover for my first book, Gerald Barkley Rocks, as well. Don’t ask me which I love more—it’s like choosing between kids. To learn more about the making of this one, feel free to read last week’s blog post, “Creating the Cover of ‘Monsters at Dusk’.”

Now what about the cover copy? I’m glad you asked, kind reader. Here’s a little more info about Monsters at Dusk:

There’s no monster under your bed, but there are several in this book.

The first short story collection from “Gerald Barkley Rocks” author Kyle A. Massa, “Monsters at Dusk” offers answers to several important questions, such as:

Do vampires use Snapchat?

What happens when a demonic cat declares war on God and Satan?

Is someone drinking your memories? If so, are they tasty?

If a mad scientist offers to build you a set of wings, should you accept?

Can sports franchises set in epic fantasy worlds make better hiring decisions than real ones?

How would the American legal system handle werewolves?

What is a Megrim and why does it keep taking everyone’s kids?

Balancing fantasy, science fiction, horror, and humor, each of the collection’s 10 stories concerns a different monster—some familiar, some original, some literal, some metaphorical, all strange and wonderful in their own way.

Monsters at Dusk arrives Friday, September 6th, on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, and in paperback.


Kyle A. Massa is the author of the novel Gerald Barkley Rocks and the forthcoming short story collection Monsters at Dusk. His stories have appeared in numerous online magazines, including Allegory, Chantwood, and Dark Fire Fiction. He lives somewhere in upstate New York with his wife and their two cats.

Creating the Cover of “Monsters at Dusk”

A book without a cover is like a burrito without a tortilla. For quite some time, that’s what I had with Monsters at Dusk.

That’s the title of my upcoming book, by the way. It’s a collection of short stories (and one novella), all about—you guessed it—monsters. I had the stories, I had the title, and I even had the pretentious quotes at the beginning. But that was just the filling. I needed to wrap it all up before anyone could take a bite.

Enter Nathan Rumsey. Nathan is a designer, a former co-worker, and a good friend of mine. He designed the cover of my first book, Gerald Barkley Rocks, and he did a fantastic job. (If you haven’t seen it, please do check it out. And while you’re looking at the cover, you could, you know, buy the book. If you feel like it.)

The Cover of Gerald Barkley Rocks

I had a specific idea in mind for Gerald Barkley Rocks and Nathan executed it brilliantly. I can’t remember the exact description, but it went something like this…

Yo Nathan! I’m looking for a spinning vinyl record on a turntable. The color red is essential to the book, so I’d like that to be a key element of the cover as well. Perhaps the needle is scratching a line of blood into the disc? Also, since the book has a mostly amusing tone, I don’t want the cover to feel too creepy. Looking for more of a lighthearted feel.

He turned that description into this gorgeous cover…

Nathan absolutely nailed it, as you can see. The only part that didn’t quite work was the needle scratching blood on the record; Nathan tried it, but it didn’t translate well to the cover. Especially in thumbnail size, the record needle looked more like a water cooler.

Luckily for me, Mr. Rumsey translated the needle idea to the title font instead. Notice the droplet of blood that hangs from the letter C in “Rocks.” Love it!

What’s more, I appreciate how Nathan addressed the challenging bits of my description. For example, how does one make a bloody cover lighthearted and not creepy?

Nathan did. He used bright colors that contrasted with the black background. Furthermore, he used a faded font that suggested retrocelebrationism over anything more sinister (like how I coined a new term there?).

But enough about the past. Let’s focus on the future.

The Cover of Monsters at Dusk

Here’s an approximation of my description for Nathan:

Ahoy Nathan! This time around I’m writing a short story collection. As you can guess from the title, each story is about a monster. Dusk (or more generally, times of transition) is a key theme.

Since it’s several stories in one, I don’t want a specific character or monster from any one story featured too heavily. I want something slightly creepy, yet also somehow humorous, because these aren’t straight-up horror stories. Other than that, I have no strong opinions or ideas. Hope that helps!

Clearly not the most descriptive description. Yet I was lucky to be working with a creative guy who can make a lot from a little. I sent three stories from the book to Nathan, then waited.

A few weeks later, Nathan presented a handful of concepts. There were many more than these, but here are several of those rough sketches:

Monster at Dusk Sketches

The concept was totally cool. In the top middle row, for example, I like how you can see the sun dipping below the horizon line. Furthermore, I was intrigued by the placement of the title, particularly the way the word “Dusk” creeps along the ground. My only concern here was that the word “Monsters” would be difficult to parse, especially in thumbnail size.

The bottom left image really caught my attention. I loved how the title was composed of early evening light passing through a window. The tree in the background gives that slightly creepy tone I mentioned in the description without branching into horror.

I told Nathan I was intrigued. He delved deeper and returned with more concepts.

Looking pretty good now, huh? Nathan worked his magic again, this time fleshing out the colors and adding a few more experimental elements. Here I loved how it was now much easier to read the book’s title. And again, I enjoyed the placement of the words along the floor and wall.

For the images along the top row, I wasn’t sure how I felt about the faces in the darkness. They achieved that subtly-creepy-yet-slightly-humorous tone I mentioned, yet they felt a bit too on-the-nose. However, I knew Nathan was onto something with these concepts.

The bottom row really got me thrilled. The tree in the reflection returned again, along with the cool font climbing up the wall. Also, the extra windows disappearing out of frame gave the image a broader sense of space.

In the middle image, you might also notice a creepy fellow wearing a bowler hat. Nathan threw that in there and confessed he wasn’t sure if I’d like it. I totally did. It wasn’t a specific character in any of my stories, yet I felt it embodied many of them: Uncanny creatures that aren’t always obvious monsters.

Next up…

Here you can see the design solidifying. We’ve got the contrast of dark negative space with bright colors in the reflection, which brings your eyes to the title. The words also move all the way up the wall, making them less cramped. The creepy guy did disappear in this iteration, though I promise he returns in the finished product. The other sweet innovation: the slippers. See them in the bottom right-hand corner?

This is one of the many moments when Nathan’s work amazed me. The slippers are perfect. They have little monster jaws on them and they’re a classic bit of bedtime attire—that connects the book’s two most important themes. Also, they’re kind of funny, which fulfills the humor request. A+ work.

So all that leads us to the finished product. If you’re subscribed to my newsletter you’ve already seen this. If not, here it is for the first time. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the finished cover of Monsters at Dusk!

Now that’s a perfect burrito.

It’s all here: Creepy guy, the monster slippers, the tree (now slightly out of focus), the cool title font, even a nightstand with a plump little spider. Notice too that the font on my name is the same from Gerald Barkley Rocks—Nathan shrewdly added that to give the covers a bit more continuity. I also dig the purple color palette because it gives the sense we’re lost somewhere between late afternoon and nightfall. Or, ya know, dusk. The gradient color of the light bolsters this effect.

I’m thrilled to finally share this cover with the world. Thank you so much, Nathan. I love this cover!

If you’re looking for an amazing designer, I could not recommend Nathan highly enough. Check out his website (a work of art in and of itself) for more information.

To buy this cover and everything underneath it, Monsters at Dusk releases Friday, September 6th. If you’d like to get even more hyped for its release, don’t forget to read the excerpt.  More to come!


Kyle A. Massa is the author of the novel Gerald Barkley Rocks and the forthcoming short story collection Monsters at Dusk. His stories have appeared in numerous online magazines, including Allegory, Chantwood, and Dark Fire Fiction. He lives somewhere in upstate New York with his wife and their two cats.

Gerald Barkley Rocks is Available Now!

Cover designed by Nathan Rumsey

What’s the overlap between fame and immortality? Is rock really dead? Are cats hiding something from us? These are a few of the questions that inspired my first novel, Gerald Barkley Rocks.

Let’s start with our protagonist. Gerald Barkley is a soon-to-be retired homicide detective who’s forgotten by most people as soon as they meet him. He’s also been diagnosed with a rare blood disease. When he wonders if anyone will notice when he’s gone, Barkley always comes to the same conclusion: Seems unlikely.

We contrast his life with that of Julian Strange, lead singer and principal songwriter of seminal rock band Black Cat Waltz. Strange is dead, and it’s up to Barkley to figure out why. The question is, how did Strange die? And what does it all have to do with Barkley himself?

Gerald Barkley Rocks is one part detective story, one part rock-and-roll elegy, and one part supernatural comedy. Buy your copy for  Amazon Kindle today!

So that’s what the book is about. Why should you read it?

For one, this book will appeal to anyone who likes rock-and-roll culture. I grew up not only listening to The Who, The Rolling Stones, and The Doors, but also reading the stories about them. In fact, I’d say the stories behind these groups are just as interesting as the music they made. They served as key inspirations for this novel.

You’ll see shades of Jim Morrison in Julian Strange, plus hints of Keith Moon, Freddie Mercury, David Bowie, Meatloaf, Ozzy Osbourne, Robert Plant, Warren Zevon, and maybe a few other guys. Heck, I even drew inspiration from This is Spinal Tap, which remains the greatest satire of rock-and-roll ever.

One thing I’m hoping I did not do is glorify the subculture. I love classic rock music and probably always will. But if you read enough about the people who made it, you’ll find that they were by and large not very nice folks. Many musicians of that era cheated on their spouses and regularly caused untold amounts of property damage. And the casual misogyny of the music is quite obvious.

Nonetheless, their stories are good inspirations for fiction. I tried to strike a balance between celebrating the music and questioning the behavior of those who made it when appropriate. Hopefully I succeeded.

You might also enjoy Gerald Barkley Rocks if you’re a fan of detective stories. I’ll admit, my knowledge of the subgenre is more localized to film; Chinatown, Hollywoodland, and The Ghost Writer are a few that particularly influenced this novel.

Lastly, my main goal with this book is to touch on the topic of death (but not in a super morbid way). Generalizations are dangerous, but I think it’s safe to say that most people fear death. I know I do. Humans have been speculating about what follows it for forever, and though there are many guesses, nobody can know for sure.

In Gerald Barkley Rocks, I’m not trying to answer that question. Rather, I wanted to tell a story about a character who’s not sure what comes after death, either. Which, in turn, might tell us something about life.

I think Gerald Barkley Rocks is a good book (though I admit I’m a little biased). I hope you feel the same way!


Kyle A. Massa is a speculative fiction author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife and their two cats. His stories have appeared in numerous online magazines, including Allegory, Chantwood, and Dark Fire Fiction. His debut novel, Gerald Barkley Rocksis available now on Amazon Kindle.

Gerald Barkley Rocks Arrives This Friday!

Cover design by Nathan Rumsey

I’m thrilled to announce that my debut novel, Gerald Barkley Rocks, will be available this Friday, December 7th on Amazon Kindle! Here’s a synopsis:

Gerald Barkley is no stranger to death. Being a longtime, no-nonsense Los Angeles homicide detective, he sees it almost every day. Yet when his own demise draws near in the form of a rare and incurable disease, he’s not quite as prepared as he thought he’d be.

Add to that Barkley’s latest case: The mysterious death of Julian Strange, frontman, founder, and principal songwriter of seminal rock band Black Cat Waltz. Strange has been found with a copy of the world’s oldest song. What could it mean? And what does it have to do with his former bandmates and Gerald Barkley himself?

A supernatural detective story with a splash of rock-and-roll and a hint of humor, Gerald Barkley Rocks examines life, death, and what might come after both.

If you’d like to learn more, read this exclusive excerpt.

And don’t forget to sign up for my email newsletter below. You’ll receive an email when the book is live, plus a free short story just because you’re awesome. Enjoy!


Kyle A. Massa is a speculative fiction author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife and their two cats. His stories have appeared in numerous online magazines, including Allegory, Chantwood, and Dark Fire Fiction.

A Hidden Track: A Night with Black Cat Waltz, written by Bob Spellman for Soundwave Magazine, 1975

It’s Halloween night and Black Cat Waltz has sold out the Nebula Lounge in downtown Los Angeles. The feeling is electric.

“I hope they play ‘The World’s Gone Red.’” I overhear a young woman say this to a young man beside her. She’s dressed like Dorothy and he’s dressed like Toto. She smokes what is either a hand-rolled cigarette or a joint—the smell suggests the latter. “This is gonna be interstellar.

The night is crisp and tangy as an apple, which fits the season (it’s cold, especially for L.A.). I stand in a line that winds around the corner and out of sight. It’s composed of cats, vampires, ghosts, pixies, Holly Golightlys, witches, John Waynes, hobos, and more. I myself am dressed in a leather jacket, jeans, and loafers. If anyone wonders what I’m supposed to be, I’m prepared to say, “Journalist,” which is of course entirely true. Anyway, no one’s asked yet.

The mood is a rope ready to snap. Bits of B.C.W. songs float up from the cacophony, with different voices joining the chorus as they hear it. Shouts of “Let us in!” and “This should be a free event, man!” echo into the night. Cars pass cautiously, as if fearful of the gathered crowd.

Indeed, one can sense the single-mindedness of this group. This is not some random assortment of young people out to hear some live music—this horde is here for Black Cat Waltz. Or, perhaps more specifically, it’s here for Julian Strange.

I hear snippets of conversation. Oddly enough, they’re all about Mr. Strange. This seems nearly impossible when I reflect on it. No one’s talking about the end of the war or Jaws or Patty Hearst or the Thrilla in Manila. Here in this line on this night, we only talk about the man and the band we’re about to see.

“Open the doors!” someone shouts. And another person quotes, “You can’t see the forest from the trees, when you’re dead and beaten and down on your knees!”

Someone else: “Julian Strange will live forever!”

And another voice: “Open those doors, pig! We want in, pig!”

Presumably, that last comment is directed at the bouncers on either side of the door (though they’re not policemen, so far as I can tell). They stand there grumbling and looking murderous. The wrong annoyance would give them an excuse to hurt someone, I’d guess. They’d probably enjoy that.

A fight breaks out somewhere in line. Two of the club’s bouncers peel away from the door to end it. That gives others hope. Three men dressed as the Three Stooges make a break for it. They get halfway through the door before they’re hauled off by a fresh pair of bouncers. Curly screeches, “We just want to see him! We just want to see him!” That leaves only one man defending the entrance. He suddenly appears a deal less confident than he did a moment ago.

The moment doesn’t last long. The doors open a crack and a message is relayed; the single man at the door pulls it the rest of the way and stands aside, like a surfer avoiding the rush of a tidal wave. I’m pushed from behind and suddenly I’m running forward with the rest of them. It’s either that or be swept under.

We crash through the open doors and flood into the lounge. I spoke to the event promoter earlier in the day and learned the maximum capacity for this venue is 1,001. Judging by the size of the line outside, I expect the health department will receive a call sometime soon.

The chanting begins as soon as we’re inside. One name, repeated over and over again: “Strange! Strange! Strange! Strange!” There’s a band here tonight, though you’d think it was a solo act.

The chant continues and grows louder as new voices enter the space. I attempt to order a drink with little luck—Gandalf and a Janis Joplin look-alike cut ahead, and suddenly a fresh wave of bodies rushes forward. Oh well.

When the lights dim, the audience screams. The lights come up again, and for the first time I notice the stage is littered with gifts. Wrapped boxes, flower bouquets, lingerie, packs of cigarettes. More follow them.

The stage itself is a modest platform ringed by more expressionless men in black shirts. The crowd tries an approach, but even their shoving can’t break these guys. At least not yet. The equipment behind them is all set up: a many-piece drum kit, Marshall stacks, wires, monitors. One single microphone in the center of the stage. Rumor has it that while the other members of the band can sing, Julian Strange won’t allow it; he wants only his own voice heard during shows.

Figures appear onstage. The crowd explodes. My eardrums whine with the sound of voices, so many voices collected into one. The figures are as follows:

Warren Wilder, the band’s guitarist. He’s dressed as William Shakespeare, complete with a ruffle around his neck, tights, and an ink-stained quill in his ear. His blonde hair is shaped in the style of the Bard’s. He slips his Fender Stratocaster over his shoulder and bows to the crowd.

Then there’s Francisco Jones Jr., the band’s drummer. He places a foot on the shell of both his bass drums, and suddenly he’s standing atop his own kit, arms held high, forming a cross with his drumsticks. He’s dressed as one of the three little pigs, making the whole scene all the more surreal.

Next, Luther Bangs, the band’s bassist. I think he’s supposed to be a blueberry though I’ll admit it’s difficult to tell; he wears a blue shirt, blue pants, long blue socks, a blue hat over wild hair. Maybe he’s just a guy wearing blue clothes. He dons his Gibson Grabber and waits, elbows propped upon the top edge of his instrument, one leg crossed over the other. Bangs stands just out of reach of the stage lights, a man in the shadows. He fires off a bass lick, his fingers flowing deftly over four fat strings and composing a flawless scale.

Then comes a pause while the three men wait. There is a fourth member of Black Cat Waltz and the audience knows he’s back there somewhere. Their chant begins again, louder than ever before.

“Strange! Strange! Strange! Strange! Strange! Strange! Strange! Strange! Strange!”

Yet still no man himself. They roar, they shout, they scream their throats bloody, all for him, all for Julian Strange. Someone has fainted beside me and her friends are trying to haul her out while still keeping their eyes on the stage. The chanting continues.

The voices grow louder, somehow. It doesn’t seem possible, yet it’s happening. And they grow louder still at the sight of the curtain parting behind the stage.

An immense figure approaches the mic. His night-black hair is a silky curtain and his beard cascades down his face like a rushing waterfall. He wears a formless white gown. The room’s gone hazy with smoke, but one can still make out the crown of thorns circling the man’s forehead. Blood (I hope fake blood) leaks down his face and into his eyes. He raises his hands and reveals more on his palms. It would appear the origin points are two deep gouges in the centers of his hands. If I could see his feet from where I’m standing, I’m sure he’d have identical wounds there as well.

The man standing at the mic is Julian Strange. He’s dressed as Jesus Christ. Maybe tonight there’s no difference between the two.

“Good evening ladies. Good evening gentlemen. Good evening felines.” His voice is a comet rippling through space. More screams, most of which sound orgasmic. “Good evening, my children. Happy Halloween. I hope you came to sing and dance.”

More howls, more calls. The man’s presence is like blow to these people. I must admit, even I am drawn to his energy. He has a magnetism unlike any I’ve encountered, and he hasn’t even started singing yet. It’s amazing. It’s strange.

Julian Strange purrs something into the mic. “Do you need an exception to the rule?”

Jones strikes his crash cymbal, Wilder thunders a tremendous chord, Bangs’s fingers slide down the neck of his bass, and suddenly we’re off into the first song, this one titled, “An Exceptional Boy.” It’s a tongue-in-cheek semi-autobiographical song about Julian Strange’s own life, stylized as a musical tale about a boy named Little Mudge who loses his voice. (Mudge, of course, is Strange’s real surname.)

The audience erupts. There are no seats in the Nebula, but even if there were, I doubt anyone would be sitting. They bounce up and down and jerk from side to side and dance like devils around a pyre. They hang from low ceiling rafters and are eventually pulled down by security. They rush the stage and are cast backward. They reach for Strange and they shriek wild words. The music drowns them out.

No sooner has the song ended than another begins. The next one is “May I Have Another?”, a subversive condemnation of those who make war.

Strange preens about the stage, leers at the audience, jumps so high that at times he appears to float. A man his size shouldn’t move the way he does, but I’m watching it and I know it must be real. On the guitar, Warren Wilder’s fingers dance over his fretboard. His string bends are impossibly crisp. I’ve seen Hendrix, Blackmore, and Clapton live, and though this man isn’t them, he is damn close. Behind him, Jones rages away at his drum kit, striking it like an enemy in battle. And Luther Bangs stands off to the side, edging closer still to the backstage. His rumbling improvised basslines wind around the main melody and form a counter-solo to Wilder’s, yet the man himself is almost like a ghost. One might wonder where the sound of his instrument comes from.

They play “There’s Starlight in Your Future,” “Cue the Music,” and “Sing Us a Song (But Not That One),” all in rapid succession. The room itself seems to bounce; the air is heavy with the smell of marijuana and booze and human perspiration. At first I recoiled from the Halloween fabric rubbing against my skin, but now I’ve accepted it. In this room, one is not allowed personal space.

I keep expecting a mid-set break, but Black Cat Waltz never takes one. They continue with a pair of ballads: “Love is for Strangers” and “Janine.” Their energy seems inexhaustible. Julian Strange has by now torn off his gown to reveal the hairy chest beneath, which seems to contrast with the usually hairless image of Jesus Christ. He’s also not so skinny.

Some cops have entered the floor. At first I take them to be attendees in costume, but when they snatch joints from people’s lips and haul them toward the exits, it becomes clear they’re the real deal. One of them gets up toward the front of the crowd and screams something into the ear of one of the security guys. The guy listens, leans back, shakes his head, and shrugs. If they’re trying to shut the whole thing down, it seems that’s not going to work.

Onstage, Waltz plays a song called “Mortal Man Blues,” a psychedelic 12-bar jam from their first album which stretches as long as 15 or 20 minutes when they play it live. I have no idea how deep we are into this rendition; their presence on stage seems to warp my perception of time.

At some point, the bulkiest and meanest-looking cop of the bunch bellows something at the audience. Problem is, he’s having a shouting match with Luther Bangs’s amplifier. He’s not winning. His face is all red and spittle flies from his mouth; the veins in his thick neck stand out like clutching fingers. He screams, and no one reacts. All we hear is Black Cat Waltz. He waves his arms toward the exits, even tries dragging someone off, but he’s a siren in a hurricane. He’s been rendered meaningless.

After another minute of this impotent posturing, the cop turns to the stage. The band has not stopped playing since they started, and it’s almost midnight. I can’t see the cop’s face, but I can imagine the expression upon it: awe, disbelief, hatred, embarrassment. When he turns back to the crowd, he’s deflated. He disappears within the audience, and I don’t see him or his men again.

By now the show is winding down. I never thought it would happen, truth be told, except they’re now playing “Interplanetary Freeway,” which is another double-digit minute composition. This one always comes before the encore, I’ve heard. It’s as good as you’d expect, down to the improvised guitar jam, an extended drum solo, and a bit where Strange repeats Wilder’s guitar licks with nothing but his voice.

“We thank you,” Julian Strange says to the crowd when it’s all finally over. “You’re the best audience we’ve ever had.” (I’m told Strange makes this assertion to every audience he plays for.) “We’ve got to be going now. Bless you, thank you, and goodnight.”

Shrieks as they leave the stage. The lights go out and we’re plunged into blackness. Maybe it’s the reefer mist I’ve been inhaling, but I swear I’m seeing things in the dark. Glowing eyes, bared fangs, leathery wings, tails, tentacles, tongues. They must be costumes—though I don’t recall them looking so horrifying in the light.

A woman’s voice asks if I’d like to make love on the floor. I decline, explaining that I’m actually working. She growls something that sounds more animal than human. I’m jostled and bumped from all sides. Twice I’m nearly knocked off my feet. I don’t know what’s going on around me, but I don’t question it. This is no longer Halloween—this is the night of Black Cat Waltz. Of Julian Strange.

They’re calling Strange’s name again. This time it’s louder than before, more desperate. They scream and cry and beg not for Waltz, but for Strange himself.

An amplified voice answers them. “Meow,” it says.

The crowd shrieks, the lights come up, and there they are. Black Cat Waltz.

For the encore, Julian Strange wears his crown of thorns and nothing else. This, of course, is completely illegal: appearing before hundreds of people entirely naked (with a massive erection, no less) is not exactly by-the-book. It doesn’t matter. The music plays on.

The band launches into “Gift to the Universe” and the crowd sings along. Pure hive mind, as if everyone in the room knows every word. I even find myself joining them, though I’ll admit I don’t know the whole song. Doesn’t matter. My voice joins the others and for a while, there is no individual singer. Even Strange’s voice, loud as it is, weaves together with the rest. We’re all one for this last number, and it is glorious.

When they finish, Strange says nothing. He and his bandmates bow and wave and blow kisses, and then they vacate the stage without another word. It’s an amazing feat, what they’ve accomplished. The crowd seems finally sated. They turn their backs on the now-empty stage and head for the exits. I follow them.

Outside, the night feels colder than it should. You don’t have to listen long to hear voices singing the songs. They disperse into the dark, yet a part of Black Cat Waltz stays with them. A part of tonight will stay with me as well.

I spot Dorothy and Toto wandering down the sidewalk, arms locked around one another. Dorothy says, “See? What did I tell you? Inter-fucking-stellar.”


Kyle A. Massa is a speculative fiction author living somewhere in upstate New York with his wife and their two cats. His stories have appeared in numerous online magazines, including Allegory, Chantwood, and Dark Fire Fiction.


© Kyle A. Massa, 2018. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be duplicated or distributed in any form or by any means without expressed written consent from the author.

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